1-416-561-5780Try to recall a situation in which you felt uneasy, with a sense of an uncomfortable emotional climate.
Visualize a scene that reminds you of that situation and observe as deeply as possible, what were the emotions you felt in that situation. Write down all the emotions you felt, regardless of how selfish, destructive, childish or immature they may seem to you.
Let those emotions flow through your consciousness. Try to feel them again as you visualize the scene. Try to distinguish between your genuine, authentic emotions and feelings from those you may have superimposed for being “more appropriate”, more in accordance to your idealized self-image (the person you think you ought to be).
See how far you can go in accepting that you had those feelings and in sharing this perception with third parties.
Repeat this exercise for different situations, both from your adult life and from your remembrances of your childhood.
In reviewing different situations in your life, did you come into contact with emotions and feelings that you had not previously noticed as co-existing with more conscious and better known feelings and emotions?
Did the feelings and emotions that you spontaneously felt (or their intensity) seem inadequate to the circumstances?
Was it difficult for you to identify and acknowledge conflicting motivations behind your seemingly pure altruistic actions?
Did you feel any resistance to accept that your pure and altruistic reasons for giving and serving might also be tainted by selfish and protective reasons?
As you strove to find possible negative motivations tainting the positive ones, in connection with your willingness to give and serve, do you feel that some feelings and beliefs may have been brought across your inner wall? (i.e., the wall that separates your conscious thoughts and feelings from the unconscious ones).