What determines our emotions?

We tend to attribute our emotions to the external circumstances in our lives. But the truth is that we create them. They are not generated by external events, per se, but are determined by the way we think, and therefore interpret these external events.

A small story can illustrate this point of view. It shows a simple situation, but its underlying principle holds true also for the more complex situations.

As the story goes, two shoe manufacturing companies sent their respective sales managers to a poor country to assess the market potential for their sales in that region. The sales manager of company A felt very disappointed and frustrated upon his return and said: “there is no opportunity there; no one wears shoes in that region”. The manager of company B returned very happy and enthusiastically reported: “There is a tremendous opportunity to expand our sales in that region. Nobody wears shoes there yet!”

The external situation was the same for both managers, but their feelings about it were not determined by the situation itself; they were determined by their thoughts and interpretations of the same situation.

Life sends us signals all the time to draw our attention to issues we have neglected in our personal development. Life is benevolent and therefore these signs are always meant to help our growth. If we do not notice them or we misinterpret them, we miss opportunities to improve ourselves and become a better and happier person.

The problem is that because of immature conclusions and false beliefs developed in early childhood and later repressed to the unconscious, we often tend to interpret these signals from a negative perspective, generating negative emotions and feelings under those circumstances. It is easier and more comfortable to blame external circumstances for our negative mood than to take responsibility for its creation.

Taking responsibility for how we feel in life may seem like a burden, but it’s actually a liberating approach, because it gives us the power to create our own happiness. This way of facing responsibilities is the positive way. Responsibilities are a privilege that gives us power, not a burden.

Don’t just take my word for it. Try it for yourself! Try to look at the positive aspects of any situation in your life, no matter how adverse it may seem at first glance. See what happens to your feelings and emotions when you intentionally look at each situation from the perspective of what there is to learn from it and how it could contribute to your personal growth. You may have to struggle and persevere to believe in the positive aspects of some painful situations, but if you do, you will have the benefit of receiving the benevolent signs of life without distorting them through your negative and immature beliefs, rooted in your unconscious. Try it!

Gustavo Monteiro

February, 2017